Tablescape Story Time

Have ya ever had one of those days? Well I it's time for a cute story....who couldn't use a laugh

 This happened several years ago. Ok, after I came out of a pretty rough time (the death of my mother) Hubby and I had an evening out with friends.

We were out with a bunch of motorcycle buddy's and decided to go to this biker bar. This wasn't our usual yuppy biker bar where you run into Plumbers, Doctors and Lawyers and fellow bike enthusiasts.

This was a real biker bar. Guys with scraggly beards, almost everyone had tattoos and a look in their eye like they'd shot someone yesterday, and be happy to do it again! 
To make matters worse we were over an hour to the nearest police station, or hospital.

The bar is a converted victorian house where they gutted a closet and turned it into a bathroom. And not a bathroom you and I would do; you know? With a lock
It was unisex bathroom, so when nature called, my female counterpart and I decided to be each others back up, to guard the door from unwanted intruders. Because there was no doorknob, just a cabinet pull. Well let me tell you...her idea of door guarding and mine are TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

I guarded the door by standing in front of it with my arms crossed and an evil glare in my eye....No one messed with me!

all 5 foot 2 inches of my frame was poised for bathroom protection!


Her idea of guarding the door was by going to the bar and ordering a round of drinks. 
Thanks Sybil! (I changed her name because she went into witness protection after this) 

So needless to say a woman came (thank God it was a woman) and opened the door for everyone to see, me going tinkle! It seemed like 45 seconds went by, before it occurred to her to close the door. This I am not exaggerating, because I did manage to get a long glimpse of my door guarder at the bar and her boyfriend, grinning at me! But no, she stepped in...into a 3x5 foot closet/bathroom.

OK, whatever...she can't wait outside?!?
So, I stand up to pull my jeans up and she throws a leg over the toilet, and sits down! Now her knees are pushing the back of my legs away from the toilet and I haven't even gotten my jeans zipped yet.

Are you kidding me?!? Are you seriously kidding me!

That was all I could think at this point. I guess I kind of grunted or made some snort/grunting noise when I started washing my hands, that depicted my "irritation", because she retorted by saying:

"When ya gotta go, you gotta go!"

 Have you ever heard that bell when boxers the ring and the fight starts? Well at this point all I heard was:

DING!  DING!  DING!!!!!!

 I said
"You know what? You are absolutely right." (turning off the water)

I turned towards her, and started flinging the water on her from my wet hands

"When ya gotta go...(fling!)

YA GOTTA GO!" (Fling!)
Turned back to the outhouse door, slammed my boot in the middle of that door as hard as I could. I slammed that door wide open, and it stayed open. (snort)

And walked out. To her yelling, calling me everything but a blonde white girl. While I was yelling at Sybil...."thanks for guarding the door!" All the while Sybil's boyfriend is hysterical; laughing and saying:

"Here Chrissy I got you another Chrissy!....wait up Chrissy!...Man, those were nice undies. Can I get some of those for Sybil?" Are those Victoria Secret? Love the black!"

 Sometimes I just need to stay home, or get a better bathroom buddy.

Needless to say I had to update hubby when I got outside, just in case the "Toilet Trash" had any ideas about not letting things go.

"Uhhh honey? if you see a 5'7" brunette come outside with fire in her eyes, and pants around her ankles, yelling something that rhymes with witch, she's looking for me".

He looks at me: "What'd you do now?"

Uhhh, went to the bathroom.

True story!